


Eggsy Unwin's Step By Step Guide To Seducing Your Lover

by AuthentiKait



Series: Eggsy Unwin's Step by Step Guide to Life With Harry Hart [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Eggsy cannot behave himself, Eggsy is a horny little shit, Harry hates being sexually frustrated, Harry is done with his boyfriends shit, Merlin and Roxy are awful friends, Multi, Slight Smut, Slight public sex kink, established relationships - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 08:55:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5491271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthentiKait/pseuds/AuthentiKait
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy flirts with Harry unashamedly throughout a mission, much to Roxy and Merlin's amusement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eggsy Unwin's Step By Step Guide To Seducing Your Lover

The bodies crumple to the ground one by one, red flowers blooming across each one's chests.

Agents Galahad and Gawain stand back to back, pistols raised and firing at each enemy soldier that dares to approach, rotating in a circle like a deadly Russian roulette wheel. After the final body falls to the floor, the agents separate, but not before one gives the other's rear a sneaky squeeze. 

"Right, Galahad and Gawain, yeh'll be needin to make a sharp left as soon as yeh leave through that door". Merlin's voice crackles through the Comms, heavily laced with his Scottish accent. 

"The only sharp left I want to make is the one where I get to kiss Harry nice and sharp as soon as we turn left," Eggsy muttered, shooting a wink and a smirk in his superior's direction, well aware that Merlin and Harry would have been in audience to his comment. A snigger in the background of the Comms also indicates Roxy's presence- and that she heard what he said.

"Gawain, focus," Merlin orders, but there's a trace of amusement in his tone.

Eggsy had been flirting shamelessly with Harry ever since they had left for this mission that morning- to retrieve blueprints for an atomic weapon from a secret French mercenary bunker. His first cheeky remarks had gone unnoticed, but with each lewd comment, Harry seemed to get more and more on edge. Which was exactly what Eggsy wanted. 

Pacing quietly down the corridor, pistols cocked, Harry in the lead, the agents turned a corner in the dark corridor to come face to face with a trio of mercenaries. Jumping immediately into action, Harry began to dispatch each mercenaries with a series of professionally mastered kicks, punches, and other martial arts moves. The first one fell, neck broken. As did the second. The third had Harry's hands around his throat when a quick shot to the chest from Eggsy finished the job. 

"You got some good moves, old man," Eggsy purred, eyes locked on Harrys. "Care to give me a private lesson later on?"

Roxy snorted through the Comms, and Merlin turned a guffaw into a hastily disguised cough. "Alrigh', now the package yeh want is through that doorway up ahead".

"The only package I want is standing right in front of me," Eggsy said seductively, still smirking as he followed behind Harry, gun at the ready. "What a nice arse it has too," he added appreciatively, to Roxy's cackles in the background. 

"Gawain, please, stop starin' at Galahad's arse and get a bloody move on. Hostile forces up ahead," Merlin barked down the Comms.

Another trio of French mercenaries appeared through the doorway, and 3 quick shots rang out in the corridor in a space of a second. Stepping over the fallen bodies and through the doorway, Eggsy and Harry were greeted with a locked door, an alarm with a retinal scanner staring them in the face.

"Merlin, can you crack the retinal scanner, please?" Harry requested through the Comms, and received a murmur of "Workin' on it," in reply.

"Gee, they couldn't have picked a easier one, could they?" Merlin said frustratedly, typing sounds heard through the Comms. "I hope yeh both realise just how hard a retinal scanner is to crack".

"Wanna know what else is hard?" 

"Eggsy please, I don' need tha' mental image," Merlin cried, whilst Roxy gasped with laughter in the background. Sneaking a look at Harry, his face impassive, Eggsy decided to push his luck even further. "Say, old man, we're in France. Care to try a spot of French kissing? Seems only right". He winked, and a muscle ticked in Harry's jaw.

"And we're in!" Merlin crowed triumphantly.

"I wish I was", Eggsy muttered, sneaking another lust filled glance at Harry, who, ignoring Eggsy again, opened the now unlocked heavy metal door and strode through.

"Ok now...mhmm... you're gonna wanna... Make a right...Rox, please, I'm trying to concentrate and it's difficult when you're...oh". 

"Roxy, Merlin, everything ok there?" Eggsy teased, for regarding Merlin's distracted tone, things seemed to be getting a little...heated back at HQ.

"Never better," Roxy purred into the comm seductively, and Eggsy groaned grumpily.

"So I 'ave to do this entire mission with a 'ard-on, while you two get to 'ave all the fun?" He pouted, then rounding the corner to join Harry, let out a low whistle. An intricate laser maze provided light in the dark room, the individual ruby beams interlaced and weaving together to create an almost impenetrable defence system. 

"Merlin, is it possible for you to switch off the maze?"

Silence from the comms, apart from some suspicious rustling noises and what sounded like a moan.

Exhaling frustratedly, Harry shook his head.  
"Eggsy". A gesture from Harry had Eggsy at his side, peering up at the older Kingman.

"Stay here". And with that the Kingsman chief was in the maze, dodging and the deadly beams, lightly stepping and ducking and sliding as he quickly manoeuvred his way through the maze.

"You could've told me you were this flexible, Hart," Eggsy called to the occupied agent. "You've been holding back on me in bed". 

With a final leap, Harry was clear of the maze, and grabbing the manila folder, shut off the maze using a lever in the nearby wall, and walked back across the smooth, now laser-less floor.

"Package has been located and obtained. Merlin, do you copy?" Harry spoke into the comms.

"I copy," Merlin replied, sounding slightly hoarse. "The extraction team will meet you on the roof in 10".

"15".

"Fifteen? Why would you want to spend an extra five-" Merlin began confusedly, but Harry cut him off.

"I have something, or rather someone, I must attend to". And for the first time during the mission, Harry gazed with full intensity at Eggsy, and his facial expression morphed from calm and collected to predatory and lust-filled, the look of a killer. Eggsy couldn't deny the tingle that spread over his skin that the look conjured.

"Wait, Galahad-" 

Harry muted the comm, plucking it from his ear and shoving it into his coat pocket. "I suggest you mute our com also, Eggsy, for what is about to transpire is for yours and my ears only".

Reaching up to his ear, Eggsy muted the comm, much to Merlin's protests before they cut out. Pulling it from his ear, he stuffed it inside the bespoke suit pocket. 

Eggsy barely had the chance to turn his attention from the pocket back to Harry before a strong muscled shape collided with him and he stumbled back, body pressed again the wall. 

"You are in so much trouble," Harry hissed, his body sandwiching Eggsy against the wall. "For so many reasons".

Eggsy opened his to protest, but his words turned to mush as Harry crushed his lips to Eggsy's in a hard, angry, lust-filled kiss, clutching the younger agent roughly against him, hands roving over his taut and toned body through the suit. Eggsy raised his arms up from where they were pinned to the wall to bringing Harry closr to him, tongues twirling and touching as they kissed harder.

"A gentleman does not make lewd comments whilst on a sensitive mission," Harry growled, breaking the kiss and heading straight for Eggsy's neck. " A gentleman does not make jokes that distract his companions," He bit the sensitive skin at the juncture of the young man's shoulder and neck, making him cry out.

"And a gentleman certainly does not torture his lover with said jokes and comments if he does not want to pay for it later". Harry peppered Eggsy's neck with dozens of love bites, sucking hard of the exposed flesh, making him moan. Stuck between the wall and Harry's firm body, Eggsy felt the Kingsman's arousal pressed against his thigh, which ony served to make him even more turned on. His plan had worked, and Harry was just as horny as he was. Fuck yes.

"You will never, ever do that to me again on a mission, understood?" Harry hissed, eyes half crazed with a mixture of anger and feverish lust when he resurfaced from Eggsy's neck. "Or I may be forced to do unspeakable-" He grabbed Eggsy's arse, pinching and kneading the pert flesh "-things to you. And I will not be gentle, after that awful tease you gave me".

"Do those unspeakable things include pinning me to the wall and fucking me into oblivion before the extraction team arrives in approximately..." Eggsy checked his Kingsman watch. "Twelve minutes?". He smirked up at the taller agent, who paused for a moment.

"Glasses off. Now," was all Harry could manage before he began tearing off Eggsy's clothes with a fervour only matched by the young man himself.

\-----●-----  
Agents Galahad and Gawain walked into Kingsman HQ hand in hand, looking decidedly rumpled, but content. The package had been dealt with, the two agents extracted, earning some odd looks from ther extraction team in the chopper about the state of their appearance, but no questions were asked. Eggsy squeezed Harry's hand as they walked, and Harry let go to pull his arm around Eggsy's waist, squeezing one arse cheek when no one was looking, earning a a quiet gasp from the younger man.

"If you think your arse is sore now, just you wait until we get home. I'm not even close to done with you," Harry breathed into Eggsy's ear, sending excited shivers down the agent's spine. In a louder voice, he continued "We should find Merlin and Roxy, to debrief and organise a report to be drafted on the mission".

"Sounds like a plan, sir". Harry's hand pinches Eggsy's arse again, but he doesnt flinch, smirking smugly up at the older agent as they walk. Harry loves it when Eggsy calls him sir, a fact which Eggsy is one hundred percent aware of. 

Heading towards Merlin's open office door, Eggsy speaks as he walks through. "I'd call that mission a 'rutting' success, don't you-" but then pauses and walks back out, shaking his head disgustedly at the sight.

"You could've closed the fucking door, you two!" He yells, rubbing his eyes, trying to get rid of the sight of a scantily clad Roxy straddling Merlin in his chair, face buried in his neck and grinding on him whilst the Handler squeezed her arse.

"Don't go in there, we'll debrief 'em later, they're a little PREOCCUPIED!" He addresses Harry, who looks rather amused, rausing his voice at the last word to finally catch the gyrating pairs attention.

"Oh fuck off Eggsy, you and Harry are jus' as bad, fuckin' like rabbits in tha' bunker. You forget tha' those glasses of yers have microphones, yeh twats, and how do yeh think me and Rox liked listening to you two moaning and-"

Merlin's head pokes out of his office doorway, glasses askew, his tirade following the chuckling agents down the hallway before he slams the door shut, presumably to resume he and Roxy's earlier activities. And Eggsy would have thought up a witty reply, but he too was a tad preoccupied- Harry had pushed him up against yet another wall, grasping Eggsy firmly by the buttocks as he ground his crotch into Eggsy's.

"I think I'm startin' to like this," Eggsy remarked cheekily, grinning into Harry's eyes, lust-filled like his own.

"Do you mean the pressing up against the wall?" Harry started, and leaned close to breathe into Eggsy's ear "Or flirting with me so terribly on missions I'm forced to 'fuck you into oblivion' as you put it, at the nearest opportunity?" He nipped at Eggsy's earlobe, eliciting a soft groan from the aroused agent.

"Both...oh...yes, Harry.."


End file.
